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Embracing Solitude: Reframing Singleness

Hello Readers,

Feeling a little like Carry Bradshaw with this post idea today, but it is a topic that has admittedly been at the forefront of my mind lately.

Moving to a new city though great has more moments of alone time than I was growing accustomed to in State College. Me and my roomate being attached at the hip is a nice way to stave away moments of lonliness, but it is weekends like this, where she is away, my other contacts are preoccupied, and I am sincerely alone that I really am forced to sit in my own solitude.

And how does this make me feel?

Admitedly a little conflicted. There are moments where I am dancing around my room feeling the beat of negligent perception from others. And then there are others where the emptiness of the room begins to swallow my mind whole. No one to bounce funny comments off, no one to accompany me on afternoon walks, the void of interaction begins to feel perceptive from any angle I approach my day.

It is truly puzzling when even you feel like you can't describe your perception.

I recently just got out of a talking stage with someone. Meeting online like every other Gen Z does when looking for companionship, we began to text and call to a surprising extent, checking in with each other throughout our day. And this felt really nice, but then also it didn't? Even though we have now stopped talking due to his busy schedule and my desire for more closeness, this situation illuminated something to me that I haven't been reminded of since my last relationship.

Sometimes your perception of what you want, is different than what you need.

When you spend so much time thinking about the greatness of relationships, finally finding yourself in one wasn't actually what I expected.

Now let me explain.

I feel like as of late I have begun to sound like a broken record.

"I want a boyfriend to text me, hang out with me, and make me feel good." And while during this talking stage I was reminded of the niceness keeping up with another felt, but I also was reminded of the constant communication and energy that a relationship requires to move forward.

And it just didn't feel right. It felt like I was giving myself away into a relationship I knew was not the right fit for me, I was becoming distracted at work thinking about a boy who I know was not thinking of me, and I began to spend more time thinking about US than I was thinking about ME.

And it took the situationship finishing to see the light of my hypocricy in clearer view.

Sometimes you need to be alone in stages of your life.

Sometimes a relationship is the OPPOSITE variable in your life that will help you.

And sitting in solitude can help you discover this.

Relationships with their many benefits do come with the assumption of energy leaving your ether. You need to think about who they are, how they are matching with you, and how you want to continue them. In addition, there is an endless amount of receiving THEIR energy as you get to know, incorporate, and include them in your life. And it is for this reason that when you don't know how to sit with yourself by yourself a relationship is one of the easiest ways to distract yourself.

I have only just moved here. And I started talking to someone almost immediatley after coming here... wonder what I was trying to run from? My fear that I was not going to fit, my fear of putting myself out there to make new friends. So, I convined myself I needed a safety blanket of a man in a different state, with kind eyes and a cool job to make me feel as though I had an armor that could protect me from an environemental lonliness brewing under my surface. But, the thing is loneliness is created by our perception of space. These fears were not well founded in much reality. They were just as many fears are and were based off of invisible monsters in my mind that demonized others and othered myself from the crowd. This new space I've acquired with new routines, and new individuals can be freeing as much as it can be fearful. And this weekend I can choose to make my space from others feel as big or as small as I want.

The universe is made up of space. This can feel overwhelming or inspiring depending on how we look at it. What makes us feel better? The possibility of what it might bring or the uncertainty of what you don't see.

Life is all about how you look at it. So instead of counting the stars you don't have, maybe try looking for the ones you could.

Until next time readers. Into the ether we go.

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